Introduction
Marriage and family foster to find
meaning and value of human life. ‘Marriage is blessed by God and affirmed by
the Church, and family is a crucial arena of spiritual formation.’[1]
As a Christian, we need to look at what the Bible tells of marriage and family
in the light of the totality of Biblical revelation. ‘The Bible ordained
marriage and family, and recognizes it as the true nature of humanity, and that
it directions and demands are the very nature of human.’[2] There are several affirmations of
Christian marriage and family in the Bible which would be dealt in this paper.
The place of marriage and
family in the Bible
Gary R. Collins wrote that marriage
and family is one of the first topics discussed in the Bible. It is mentioned
throughout the pages of the Scripture and considered in depth. The purpose of
marriage, the roles of husband and wife, the importance of sex, and the
responsibilities of parents are all discussed,[3]
so also of the children. Families are often mentioned in the Bible, the pages
of Scripture give many examples of family tension from the first family. The
Biblical teaching on family appears to support several positives. The father is
the head of the home, whose responsibilities include loving his wife in such a
way that demonstrates Christ’s love for his children. Within this home, there
is to be mutual submission and commitment between husband and wife. Parents are
responsible to discipline their children in a way that they learn obedience but
are not made bitter and discouraged.[4]
Understanding marriage
in the Bible
Differentiation in the sex,
according to Somen Das, is in the very purpose of God and attraction to the
opposite sex is a God-given nature of the human.[5]
We have seen various affirmations on man and woman as a couple. God
specifically declares that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). Man and woman together were
to mutually help and be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth (Gen. 1:28). The final affirmation in
the creation myth is, ‘therefore a man leaves his father and mother and clings
to his wife, and they become one flesh’ (Gen.
2:24).
In the New Testament, as we had seen,
Jesus also shared in the above conviction that marriage was ordained by God and
we found his declaration in the Gospel of Matthew (Mat. 19:4-6). Among the disciples of Jesus, some were married.
Jesus entered into the affairs of families willingly and accepted the natural
rightness of family. Peter himself was married and Jesus did not ask him to
leave his wife (Mat. 8:14; Luke 4:38).
Paul’s views on marriage are slightly
ambivalent.[6] On
the one hand, he sees in marriage the symbol of Christ’s relationship to the
Church and recognized the mutual obligations within marriage (I Cor.
7:5). On the other hand, in view of
the expectation of the Second Coming, he called men to imitate him (I Cor. 7:7, 26). Yet, he recognized the
normality and rightness of a couple (I
Cor. 9:5). It is believed that Paul was unmarried and suggested the
celibacy to other people (I Cor. 7:8-9).
But if one cannot be a celibate, it would be better for him to marry (I Cor. 7:25-28). He speaks of men and
women made for each other (Eph. 5:22-23;
Col. 3:18-19). Marriage is indissoluble and covenant-fidelity should be maintained
in the married life (Mat. 5:31-32;
19:3-10). It must be noted that the Bible teaches marriage as honourable (Heb. 13:4).
Christian marriage as a
sacrament
We need to grasp the special
significance of regarding Christian marriage as a sacrament or as having
sacramental significance. It is sacramental because it symbolizes the
relationship between Christ and the Church. Paul describes the relationship
between husband and wife to the relationship between Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:25-33). The bond of love between
husband and wife is not just dependent on physical attraction or other worldly
considerations and natural family obligations, it has spiritual dimension.[7]
In Christian marriage, in the words
of J. Russell Chandran, the couple mutually commit themselves to surrender
their marriage to symbolize the love of Christ. Therefore, when they face
problems which put pressure on their relationship, they will subject themselves
to the discipline of the suffering love of Christ with unconditional acceptance
and forgiveness.[8]
Marriage as a part of
God’s plan
Marriage, as expounded by Harold
Taylor, is a part of God’s creative plan for the world. It is not merely a
cultural habit which has developed in various ways according to people needs in
each society. Christians sometimes define marriage as an order of creation.
Marriage is an order of creation that is the way in which God intends that men
and women should live together in love and rear their children. So marriage and
family stands as one of the foundation of human existence[9]
(Gen. 1:26, 27).
God has appointed human beings to be
responsible for the created world. Harold Taylor further explicated that part
of this responsibility is for men and women to use their sexuality in the way
God intends, that is in marriage. And the bearing and rearing of children
involves more than just the physical activity which ensures the biological
continuance of the human species. It is a part of God given responsibility to
humanity,[10]
as we have seen in Genesis 1:28.
According to God’s plan, marriage
means that man and woman become united. Through living together, they are able
to grow into unity in mind and spirit as well as body. This partnership in
unity is the foundation of the relationship between husband and wife, the
foundation on which they build new family.[11]
For this, both of them leave their family so as to become one flesh.
What would be the
position of the church?
Marriage is divinely ordained union
with a moral purpose. Ezamo Murry cited in his work, that the Church should
holds marriage to be monogamous and for lifetime, and sexual relationship
should be confined to married couples. Sexual union between couple is a good
creation of God, but its abuse to promiscuity and selfish gratification is not
approved by the Church. It is wonderful that the married couples experiences
mutual affection and satisfaction in the spirit of companionship.[12]
Thomas C. Oden also confirmed by saying that marriage was ordained for the
mutual help of husband and wife; for the increase of mankind with a legitimate
issue, and of the Church with a holy seed; and for preventing uncleanness.[13]
Understanding family in
the Bible
Family is the basic institution of
humanity of any society. It is the nursery of human nature.[14]
Truly said by M. Stephen, it is instituted by God and it is the backbone of
society. Husband and wife constitute a family (Gen. 2:18-24). Humanity cannot survive meaningfully unless the
sanctity of family is followed. So, Christian families are entrusted to witness
the reign of God.[15]
The Biblical vision of family is the sacred, harmonious and exemplary (Eph. 5:22-32; I Pet. 3:1-8). The
complementary role of husband and wife is stressed by Apostle Paul and Peter in
their epistles.
In the second chapter of Genesis, we
find that the family stands at the climax of the created order. The human being
is created as male and female and each is put into relationship with other. As
a consequence of their relationship, they are given the gift of fertility and
the ability to procreate other members of their species to which they will also
become intimately related as parents. Sue Walrond-Skinner confirmed the
establishment of family in creation by saying, ‘far from being predicated upon
the separate, autonomous individual, the creation stories of Genesis make it
clear that the original form of humanity is not even simply
individuals-in-relationship, but living together in some kind of family
structure.’[16]
In the Bible, the relationship of
God to the human is understood in terms of imageries drawn from the family.
Jesus was born into a family and was nourished and nurtured by it (Luke 2:52). The Bible mentions about
the family of Jesus (Mar. 6:3; Jude 1:1;
Gal. 1:19). ‘It is significant that Jesus expanded the meaning and scope of
the concept of family and thus becoming theological-ethical in nature.’ Paul
and Peter conceived of the Church as the household of faith (Eph. 2:19; Gal. 6:10; I Tim. 3:15; I Pet.
4:17). Family is not conceived only in terms of blood relation but viewed
in terms of common values and meaning, in the context of the Reign of God. [17]
We see from Biblical perspective that it
is imperative to practice and promote the life of the family through mutual
respect and love. Each member of the family has to be treated as subject and
not object, of love and concern. There has to be mutual accountability between
spouses, parents and the children. Thus this kind of relationship can be nurtured
and encouraged through love, freedom and responsibility. As the family had been
instituted for mutual comfort and happiness, it is important to develop a
responsible partnership and parenthood.[18]
All these shown that we have to give extreme importance to the family. As a
Christians, our families have to be examples in the broken and disintegrating
world.
The teaching of the
Bible
From the teaching of the Bible, we
can sum up some of the underlying principles on marriage and family. The
following affirmations are comprehensively explained in the edited work of P.D.
Devanandan and M.M. Thomas,[19]
the two well known Indian Christian Theologians, regarding sex, marriage and
family.
(i)
Human is created in and for a monogamous
family relationship.
(ii)
Sexual union in human is essentially
different from sex in animal.
(iii)
Love between man and woman, understood
truly, can be the deepest example of human love and symbol of Divine love.
(iv)
In and through the sexual relationship,
man and woman are brought together into a deep unity to which the Bible gives
the name ‘one flesh’.
(v)
Human sexuality is unifying, also
divisive.
(vi)
Marriage and family is valuable,
children also belong to the fullness of the family and to the fulfillment of
the parents.
(vii)
The family is the root unit of the
Church as well as of society.
(viii)
Marriage is of this world.
Towards a theology of
marriage and family
Families have existed in some form
or other within all cultures and in all periods of history, from the earliest
societies known to human beings. No human group has been discovered which does
not practice some form of family life. Therefore, we must begin our theological
construction of the family from the premise that the notion of family lies at
the heart of the creative purposes of God.
The original form of human species
is co-humanity. Human beings are created to become one flesh, separate persons-
both their unity and their individuality being equally necessary and receiving
equal emphasis. A human being who is not rooted in intimate, interdependent
relationship is not fully human. It appears that God envisages the family as a
vehicle for transmitting both His care and His sovereignty. The command to be
fruitful and increase in order to fill the earth with human beings is the will
and purpose of God. The family is to convey God’s will and His presence to the
world through the image that He has imprinted upon it and it members. [20]
We can affirm that God made
everything, and that marriage and family has reflected his will and divine
purpose. The Biblical rationale and Christianity contains within itself the
promise of transforming the family into a caring and meaningful community.[21]
Thus, we must be responsible to this will of God and turn marriage as a
foundation for true Christian family.
Conclusion
In marriage and family, how we live
out our life is a key for the most part. According to Roy W. Fairchild, the
most important thing about Christian marriage and families is the ways in which
we expose ourselves to the meaning of the Bible, and let that meaning permeate
the whole the whole fabric of our lives together- from floor mopping to car
buying to love making. In this way, what we seek in marriage and family may
come, but not as an achievement of human but as a gift from God.[22]
The
Biblical teachings about interpersonal relations, love, forgiveness, conflict
resolution, self-denial, personal integrity, caring, maturity and spiritual
growth must all be applied to marriage and family.[23]
Perhaps it is valid to conclude that many of the Bible passages serve as a
guideline for family living which is applicable for Christians.
[1]
Thomas C. Oden, Classical Pastoral Care,
Volume Four, Crisis Ministries (Secunderabad: OM Books, 2005), 97.
[2] P.D.
Devanandan and M.M. Thomas, eds., The
Changing Pattern of Family in India (Bangalore: Christian Institute for the
Study of Religion and Society, 1966), 184.
[3] Gary R.
Collins, Christian Counseling (Dallas:
Word Inc., 1989), 408.
[4] Gary R.
Collins, Christian Counseling…439.
[5] Somen
Das, Christian Ethics and Indian Ethos
(Delhi: ISPCK, 2004), 146.
[6] P.D.
Devanandan and M.M. Thomas, eds., The
Changing Pattern of Family in India…181.
[7]
J. Russell Chandran, Christian Ethics
(Delhi: ISPCK, 2011), 111.
[8]
J. Russell Chandran, Christian Ethics…111.
[9]
Harold Taylor, Tend My Sheep (Delhi:
ISPCK, 2012), 178.
[10]
Harold Taylor, Tend My Sheep…178.
[11]
Harold Taylor, Tend My Sheep…178.
[12]
Ezamo Murry, An Introduction to Pastoral
Care and Counseling (Delhi: ISPCK, 2011), 242 & 245.
[13]
Thomas C. Oden, Classical Pastoral Care,
Volume Four, Crisis Ministries…100 & 101.
[14]
Somen Das, Christian Ethics and Indian
Ethos…148.
[15]
M. Stephen, Introducing Christian Ethics
(Delhi: ISPCK, 2003), 197-199.
[16]
Sue Walrond-Skinner, Family Matters, The
Pastoral Care of Personal Relationships (London: SPCK, 1988), 158-159.
[17]
Somen Das, Christian Ethics and Indian
Ethos…148.
[18]
Somen Das, Christian Ethics and Indian
Ethos…149.
[19]
P.D. Devanandan and M.M. Thomas, eds., The
Changing Pattern of Family in India…185-205.
[20]
Sue Walrond-Skinner, Family Matters, The
Pastoral Care of Personal Relationships…158.
[21]
Roy W. Fairchild, Christian in Families
(Richmond, Virginia: The CLC Press, 1964), 54.
[22]
Roy W. Fairchild, Christian in Families…48.
[23]
Gary R. Collins, Christian Counseling…439.
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